Who cares for the parents? Resolving family disputes in care

Communication in Nursing - Part 3

When caregiving becomes a stress test for families

Caring for relatives is one of the biggest challenges for families. What starts out as a small amount of support - doing the shopping, organizing medication or providing transport - can quickly become a comprehensive responsibility. Often one person takes on most of the care, while other family members do not participate equally. This leads to dissatisfaction, excessive demands and ultimately conflict within the family.

But how can such disputes be avoided or resolved? Open communication, equitable task sharing and external support can help defuse tensions and make caregiving a shared responsibility. In this article, you can find out why Family disputes in care and how you as a family can find a solution.

Why do family disputes arise in care settings?

Case study: Sindy's story

Sindy, 26, works as a care assistant and looks after her mother Klara, who is confined to a wheelchair. As she is the only one in her family of five with nursing training, she takes on almost all the tasks - from personal hygiene and nutrition to housework.

What started out as an occasional help has become a daily commitment. Sindy now visits her mother before or after work. Her private life is suffering: Her boyfriend broke up with her because she barely had time to spend together, and she had to give up her beloved hobby of horse riding due to financial and time constraints.

When she asked her family to get more involved in her care or hire an outside caregiver, she was met with resistance. Some "didn't have time", others didn't want to spend money on additional support. Sindy feels exhausted, overwhelmed and increasingly frustrated - a situation that many family caregivers know only too well.

Common causes of conflict in care

Family disputes over care arise for a variety of reasons:        

Equal distribution of tasks
                           

• One person usually takes the main responsibility, while others withdraw.

• This leads to overload and frustration.

• Different perceptions of the care situation
                   

  • Some family members underestimate the amount of care required or believe that less support is enough.

    

  • Others see a professional caregiver as an unnecessary expense.

                 

   

           

• Financial burdens and disputes
          

  • Care causes costs: medication, aids, alterations or professional support.

   

  • Disagreement over who contributes financially can lead to tension.

   

• Emotional stress
                 

  • Caring for a loved one is physically and emotionally challenging.

   

  • Emotions such as guilt, sadness or anger can be discharged in arguments.

   

• Missing communication
            

  • When expectations and roles are not clearly defined, misunderstandings arise.

         

  • Unspoken frustration often leads to arguments.

   

• Different values and settings for maintenance
      

• While some relatives see caregiving as a family duty, others prefer professional support.

                   

• Generational or cultural differences play a role.

   

How can family disputes in care settings be prevented or resolved?

1. Open and fair communication

In order to avoid conflicts, it is important to have discussions at an early stage. The following questions should be clarified:

• What specific support does the person in need of care require?
•  Who can do what tasks?
• What funding is available?

Tips for a successful family conversation:

• Choose a neutral location for the conversation.
• Use "I" messages to avoid accusations ("I feel overworked" instead of "You're not doing anything").
• Actively listen and respect the opinions of others.

2. Clear distribution of tasks

Care should not fall solely on the shoulders of one person. A fair distribution can be based on the following criteria:

• Time availability: Who has time for grooming and when?
• Features: Who can take on certain tasks particularly well (e.g. medical care, organization, financial support)? e.g. medical care, organization, financial planning)
• Financial resources: Who can contribute to additional costs for external help?

Example of a fair distribution of tasks:

3. Consider external support

Not all care tasks can or should be taken on by the family alone.

noracares offers a solution for families looking for a trustworthy caregiver. On the platform, you can get in touch directly with experienced caregivers to find the best support for your loved ones.

Possibilities of external support:

• Mobile Care Services - Relief through professional care at home.
• Short-term care & Day care - Temporary relief for family caregivers.
• Mediation in conflicts - Professional support for conflict resolution.

Sindy's solution: A step towards relief

Sindy decides to get support - but not by arguing. Instead, she first speaks to her aunt Barbara, who is well-respected in the family.

Barbara takes the time to speak to all the family members individually. She explains to them that Sindy is exhausted and that a fairer distribution of tasks is necessary. Through these conversations, she manages to raise the family's awareness of Sindy's burden.

In the end, everyone agrees on a fair solution:

• The siblings take on fixed care tasks.
  
   
• A part of the family contributes financially to a caregiver.
  
   
• Regular meetings help to discuss problems at an early stage.

A relaxed family conversation over coffee and cake finally provides clarity - and real relief for Sindy.

Family conflicts in care are challenging, but solvable. Communication, fair division of tasks and professional support can help to avoid disputes and make caregiving more pleasant for everyone involved.

Remember: You don't have to do the maintenance alone! Getting support - whether from family or professional caregivers - is not a sign of weakness, but of responsibility.

noracares helps you to find suitable care for your loved one. Our platform puts you in direct contact with qualified caregivers so that you can find a solution that suits you.

Care should be a shared responsibility - not the sole responsibility of one person.

FAQ 2

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Nora's tip: Conflicts in care are normal, but they don't have to escalate. A fair division of tasks and professional support can help to reduce stress and maintain harmony within the family.

 

• Care for relatives - The care and support of a family member in need of care by close relatives, often without a professional caregiver.
• Burnout among family caregivers - An extreme physical and emotional exhaustion that can result from the constant strain of caregiving. Symptoms include fatigue, irritability, sleep disorders and depressive moods.
• Financial support for care - Various benefits such as care allowance, care leave, part-time care leave and grants, which provide financial relief for family caregivers. The exact regulations are country-specific and should be obtained from social insurance providers or care insurance companies.
• Short-term care - Temporary inpatient or outpatient care for people in need of care to provide temporary relief for relatives. It is often used after hospital stays or when family caregivers are overwhelmed.
• Mobile Care or Ambulatory Care - Professional care services that are provided in the home of the person in need of care. This includes personal hygiene, medical care and domestic support.
• Mediation in nursing - A structured process for conflict resolution in families who disagree about care responsibilities, costs or care solutions. A neutral mediator helps to work out viable solutions.
• Care Arrangement -An individual agreement within the family or with external caregivers that regulates the organization of care. A care arrangement can include task allocations, financial contributions and external support.
• Dependence on care - A condition in which a person requires permanent support in everyday life - whether due to illness, old age or disability. In many countries, there are degrees or levels of care to classify the need for care.
• Care allowance - A financial support for people in need of care or their relatives to cover the costs of care. The amount of the care allowance depends on the degree of care required.
• Pflegekarenz oder Pflegeteilzeit - An opportunity for working relatives to reduce their working hours or take temporary leave to care for a family member in need of care. These measures are often associated with financial support.
• Caregiving Conflicts in the Family - disputes that may arise within the family due to unequal distribution of tasks, financial burdens or differing opinions on care.
• Maintenance schedule - A written plan that describes the organization of care. It contains information on the need for care, distribution of tasks, administration of medication and special needs of the person in need of care.
• Care insurance - A statutory or private insurance that provides benefits for the financial support of people in need of long-term care and their relatives.
• Care Agreement - A contract within the family or with external caregivers that specifies which tasks will be taken over by whom. A written care agreement can help to avoid conflicts.
• Respite Care - Temporary relief for family caregivers by organizing a substitute caregiver or inpatient accommodation for the person in need of care.
• Day care or day center - A facility where people in need of care are looked after during the day while relatives are at work or need some relief.
• noracares -  A platform that connects families with qualified nursing and care staff. Here, family members can get in touch directly with caregivers to find an individual care solution.