Forget? Forgive! How to deal with dementia as a relative
Dealing with dementia: overcoming challenges and supporting relatives
Dementia is a disease that affects more and more people - in Austria there are currently around 147.000 people currently live with some form of Dementia, in Germany there are over 1.8 million【Source: Alzheimer Europe / Deutsche Alzheimer Gesellschaft】. The forecasts show: The numbers will continue to rise - and with them the number of relatives who suddenly find themselves in a new role.
Yet many people do not know what options there are for dealing with dementia as a relative. There is a great deal of uncertainty about the new everyday life: what to do when your loved one seems to be drifting further and further away? How do you lovingly accompany someone - even when conversations, routines and togetherness become increasingly difficult? And how can you help without losing yourself?
The first few months after a diagnosis are often characterized by emotional overload: uncertainty, feelings of guilt, helplessness. Relatives often reach their physical and psychological limits - especially when they also have to juggle family, work and their own needs.
In this article, we show you how you can support family members with dementia without overwhelming yourself. You'll find practical tips, real case studies, communication aids and overviews of support services.
Because: You are not alone. And often it's not big solutions, but small, loving steps that make the difference - for you and for the person you care for.
What is dementia? Understanding forms and progression
Dementia is not just dementia. The term describes a syndrome, where Memory, Thinking, language, Orientation and partly also the social behavior can be permanently impaired. The causes are manifold - and the effects on everyday life are profound, not only for those affected, but also for their relatives.
A medical check-up is always important - because some symptoms can also be triggered by depression, medication or metabolic disorders.
How does dementia progress?
Dementia is usually chronic and progressive. In the early stages, an increased forgetfulness is often noticeable - e.g. when everyday tasks are performed suddenly. For example, when everyday tasks suddenly become difficult or names are forgotten. In the further course language disorders, Disorientation, Personality changes and Behavioral abnormalities added.
Affected people are increasingly losing their independence - and with it a degree of dignity. This is why it is so important that relatives understand the progression of the disease and provide loving support without overburdening them.
Masha and her father Pavel
Pavel is 76 years old. Just five years ago, he was the calming influence in the family - a proud man who worked as a production manager in his factory and always had everything under control. Today, he lives with his daughter Masha, who lovingly supports him every day. But it's not easy.
For several months, Pavel has believed that he is back in the office. Every day he complains about "employees" who he thinks are unpunctual or lazy. He skips lunch because he doesn't want to "take a break during working hours". For him, what he feels and sees is reality. The actual reality - that the factory has not existed for years - no longer reaches him.
Masha is exhausted. She works full-time at an advertising agency, moves three Children growing up alone - and caring for her father on the side. At first, she tried to "correct" him, explaining to him again and again how things really are. But each time Pavel got angry or sad. He no longer understood the world. And Masha felt increasingly helpless, angry - and guilty.
In a conversation with a nursing consultant, she finally learns the method of Validation know. Instead of disagreeing, she begins to respond to her father's world. When he asks why the protocol for the staff is not yet on the table, she simply puts a few "important documents" in front of him and asks for his opinion. Sometimes she even asks him to write a daily schedule for "the team". And she sees: Pavel blossoms in the process. He feels needed again. Masha herself can now accept situations better and reacts with more calm and empathy.
"Loss of reality is one of the most painful symptoms for loved ones. But accepting and going along - instead of contradicting - often brings more peace and closeness."
Note:
Dementia is not just a medical condition - it is a challenge for the entire family system. The sooner you get information, advice and support, the sooner you can develop strategies that will help you and your relative. noracares will support you - whether with suitable caregivers who have experience with dementia or with prepared information for your everyday life.
Communicating with people with dementia
The Communication with a person suffering from dementia changes fundamentally. What used to be taken for granted - a fluent conversation, a joke, an explanatory sentence - can now suddenly lead to uncertainty or misunderstandings. This is painful for many relatives: language no longer connects as it used to. But even if words are missing or get mixed up - the feelings behind them remain tangible.
So that conversations don't end in frustration or withdrawal, simple but effective basic rules can help in everyday life.
These basic rules not only promote understanding - they create trust. They help the person concerned to feel safe - and also give you as a relative:r orientation in difficult moments.
Validation instead of confrontation: Walking in the world of the other
Many relatives initially try to correct their loved one's "mistakes" - out of a desire to help. But with dementia, such explanations often lead to uncertainty or resistance. Instead, a different approach is recommended: the Validation.
Validation means to validate the perception and feelings of the person concerned not to be corrected, but recognize and resonate - even if they appear objectively "wrong".
Case study: Masha and Pavel
Masha has learned not to argue against Pavel's reality. When he talks - as he often does - about his former work as a factory manager, she asks questions like:
- "What's on the roster today?"
- "Was your secretary late again today?"
- "So who's taking the afternoon shift?"
These questions address Pavel's reality without questioning it. He feels taken seriously - and becomes noticeably calmer. At the same time, Masha can immerse herself in his world without losing herself.
Nora's tip: Avoid "why" questions at all costs, such as "Why are you doing that?" or "Why do you think that's right?" These quickly come across as reproachful or overwhelming - and can lead to stress or anger.
Body language and non-verbal signals
Demented people often perceive body language better than words. A calm tone of voice, a loving look or an open gesture can achieve more than many well-intentioned sentences. The following are particularly helpful:
- a friendly smile
- open posture (not intertwined, not dominant)
- smooth movements instead of hectic gestures
If it is convenient for the person concerned, physical contact can help - such as an offered hand or a light touch on the shoulder. But: Never touch the other person without consent. Offer closeness - don't force it on them.
Communication in everyday care: Small strategies, big impact
Communication and language have a direct impact on well-being, especially in everyday care. Here are some proven strategies for everyday life:
- Repeat important information calmly and kindly - without impatience.
- Use familiar terms instead of abstract language.
- Keep rituals - e.g. greetings at the same time. e.g. greetings at the same time of day or clear routines.
- Stay with conversations about past experiences. The "old" world is often the more stable one.
Making sense of everyday life and activities
A structured daily routine and individually tailored activities are particularly important for people with dementia. They provide support, promote orientation - and can help to positively influence the course of the disease. Above all, however, they give self-efficacy: the feeling of still being able to contribute something.
Why employment is so valuable
Dementia is not just about the loss of cognitive abilities - it is also about the loss of identity. People who used to be professionally active or had certain hobbies often lose this connection to life with the disease. Targeted activities that tie in with previous interests and skills help to activate memories and create new emotional stability.
Important: The activities should neither over- nor underchallenge - and if possible emotionally tie in with positive experiences.
Maintaining self-efficacy: Small tasks with a big impact
People with dementia are very aware when everything is taken away from them. Even if they can no longer do many things on their own - small everyday activities give them the feeling of continuing to Part of life. Therefore:
- Better to accompany than to replace.
- Offer help, but don't impose it.
- Praise - don't correct.
An example: The grandmother can no longer prepare a meal, but can spread the napkins on the table. Or the former accountant takes over sorting the mail. Even simple tasks such as stirring dough or folding cloths strengthen dignity.
Rituals and routines as emotional anchors
Fixed daily structures provide security - especially as dementia progresses. Recurring activities such as drinking tea together, going for walks at the same time of day or listening to certain pieces of music anchor the tag and provide orientation.
Nora's tip: Keep a close eye on what your loved one enjoys. Often it's not big activities, but small rituals that create closeness - such as lighting a candle together in the morning or watering your favorite plant.
noracares supports you in lovingly shaping everyday life with a person suffering from dementia. On our Find platformyou caregivers who not only care - but also understand, listen and fill everyday life with meaning and humanity.
Relieving care - for you and for those affected
Care is love, but also responsibility. And no one should have to carry this task alone - especially not around the clock. It takes strength, patience and often professional support to be there for a person with dementia on a permanent basis.
noracares supports you in this. On our platform, you can find a loving caregiver quickly and safely - without agency fees and with direct contact. Whether by the hour, to relieve you at night or as part of a 24-hour care: We help you find exactly the support that suits your everyday life.
Dealing with a relative with dementia is not an easy path - it requires patience, compassion and often more strength than you think you have. But you, as a carer or caregiver, are an indispensable anchor in the life of the person affected.
You don't have to be perfect. It's enough to be there - with open ears, an understanding look and the courage to let go sometimes. Small gestures and loving rituals can achieve more than any perfect care plan.
Don't forget: Your needs count too. Only those who take care of themselves can be there for others in the long term. Get support - be it from a suitable caregiver via noracares, through conversations in self-help groups or simply by taking a moment of peace and quiet on the balcony.
Dementia changes many things - but not the meaning of closeness, care and dignity.
- Dementia - Collective term for disorders that permanently impair memory, thinking and behavior.
- Validation - communication technique in which the subjective perception of people with dementia is appreciated rather than corrected.
- Alzheimer - The most common form of dementia, characterized by slowly progressive memory loss.
- Eradication Therapy - Treatment form for Helicobacter pylori-related diseases - has for vascular dementia no relevance, but is sometimes mentioned in the differential diagnosis of dementia.
- Self-efficacy - The feeling of being able to make a difference - an important resource even with dementia.
- Care relief - Support services for family caregivers, e.g. day care, respite care, short-term care, etc., are also available. e.g. day care, short-term care, caregivers via noracares.
- GPS bracelet - Technical aid for locating people with dementia who are at risk of wandering off.
- Weighted Blanket - Therapeutic blanket that can help to calm you down by applying gentle pressure - e.g. if you are feeling restless at night. e.g. for night-time restlessness .
