Forget? Forgive! How to deal with dementia as a relative
Dementia is a disease that is affecting more and more people. Nevertheless, many people do not know what options there are for dealing with dementia as a relative. As a result, there is often a great deal of uncertainty about how to cope with everyday life.
How can you, as a relative, support your family member with dementia? Nora has some important advice!
Masha's father Pavel is furious. He pays no attention to the food she has put on the table. "Why did I only hire you?
It's not time for lunch yet! Back to work with you! Lazy lot..." He mutters to himself.
Masha sighs. She doesn't know what to do anymore, her nerves are on edge
.
For the past three weeks, her father has felt transported back to his time as manager of the factory, which has not been standing for ten years. There is now a small park where he once worked, but Pavel doesn't want to admit it. He is suffering from stage two dementia. The reality he lives in is his own.
Dementia: not just forgetfulness
In the spectrum of dementia diseases, there are different types of disease, whereby mixed forms of two or more different ones are also possible. Alzheimer is one of the most common forms in the population.
It is caused by a change in the proteins in the brain. Over 60 percent of people with dementia suffer from this notorious disease. The second most common form is vascular dementia, which is caused by circulatory disorders in the brain.
In the early stages of dementia, the main focus is on increased forgetfulness, which can also place a heavy psychological burden on the person with the disease. Most dementia patients are well aware that they have changed and that many everyday things, such as abstract communication and logical thinking, no longer work so well.
This stirs up great fear and massively disturbs self-confidence. Those affected are ashamed of regularly failing at even small and simple tasks. Over time, larger and larger areas of memory are lost and ultimately only memories of childhood or youth remain. People suffering from dementia are therefore constantly stuck in the past, feeling transported back to their childhood, for example. The population in Europe is getting older on average: life expectancy has continued to rise in recent years due to technological and medical advances - and with it the number of people suffering from dementia. This is because the disease mainly occurs in older people. The older the person, the greater the risk.
The nursing staff in Austria can no longer cope with the number of care cases. As a result, people with dementia are often cared for by people from the family environment cared for. This can quickly become a burden, as Masha knows. She has three children of her own that she looks after on her own and works full-time at a large agency. The fact that she has been caring for her father Pavel for three years now never bothered her at the beginning. She wanted to offer him everything he needed, after all, he did the same for her. However, as the disease progressed, the conflicts became more frequent, the circumstances more difficult and Masha actually has no nursing training at all. Everything becomes even more difficult as Masha is often tense due to the circumstances, which Pavel also senses. Before the mental and physical challenge for family carers takes over, a suitable carer should be found to provide support at least a few days a week. Because if both sides are burdened by the illness, nobody is helped. The affected person realizes that they are causing difficulties and sees themselves as a burden. This leads to aggressive or angry reactions to care activities. This is because the person concerned does not want to be a burden, wants to be "normal" again and relieve the family. Finding a caregiver in such a situation who responds to the needs of the person with the illness can be a great and important support. Looking for a caregiver who can support the person you care about? Why not try our Matching algorithm and find the right support quickly and safely! If there is no time at all, for example because children are on the way or everyday working life does not allow for any other tasks, 24-hour care for dementia patients is also a good alternative. There are also care homes that specialize in dementia. There is only really no way around this if the living environment of the person with dementia is too dangerous - for example, unsecured stairs, steep slopes next to the house or a location in a social hotspot. Even if many important connections in the brain of a person with dementia are already breaking down, a lot can be achieved through different types of training. There are many different Opportunities for employment, which help to mitigate and alleviate the course of the disease. In addition, the person affected feels encouraged to remember by the food for thought, which in turn boosts their self-confidence. The person suffering from dementia regains the feeling of making an important contribution through the sense of achievement. Puzzles: Of course, you shouldn't reach for a 2000-piece game with large monochrome areas, but a simple puzzle with a beautiful motif stimulates the brain of dementia patients to produce new connections that also help in everyday life. Memory: This game challenges and trains the short-term memory of the person with dementia. Large cards made of particularly sturdy material are best suited here. They are easier to grasp and the illustrated graphics are easy to recognize, even for older people who can no longer see so clearly. Puzzles: Most crossword puzzles or error search pictures in magazines are a little too complex or abstract for people with dementia. This is why there are specially designed puzzles for senior citizens and people with dementia. They usually work with themes from times when the person concerned was still young. This awakens memories that are usually retained in great detail even in the later stages of the disease. Books: Many people with dementia can no longer read very well because they lack concentration and the topics are far too wide-ranging and convoluted. However, you can read to your family member with dementia from a book that is specially designed for people with dementia. The main focus here is on emotionality, the mental function that still works perfectly even in the late stages of the disease. Movies: Here, too, it is advantageous to choose special films for people with dementia. They work very visually and do not use strong stimuli or difficult wording, so that people with dementia are not overwhelmed. Help your family member with dementia to help themselves: relieving them of all everyday tasks may help at first, but people with dementia also want to and should be able to remain independent. For example, you can hang a picture on the wall for your grandmother with dementia, but she will have to frame it herself. People with dementia have very different needs, as most behaviors and emotions are strongly influenced by how the person behaved as a child or adolescent. It is therefore always a good idea to look at what the person with dementia used to enjoy or what job he or she had. Pavel, for example, has a strong urge for control due to the leadership position he held in his previous job. It is important to him to be taken seriously and to be in charge. Therefore, Masha often lets him come up with rosters for fictitious employees or plans small projects with him. A few weeks ago, she designed a Lego house with him, which was then built. Pavel was very happy about this and Masha thought it was nice to share great moments with him again. You too can find something to do with your family member with dementia that will bring him or her joy. Did Grandpa always have a strong urge to keep things tidy? Let him sort marbles or pieces of paper. Was your great aunt a gardener in the past? Grow flowers and vegetables with her. There are many different ways to engage with a person with dementia without making him or her feel like a small child. When talking or interacting with a person with dementia, it is important to to go to eye level. The disease affects the self-confidence of the person affected, especially in the first stage. He or she often knows that something is wrong, recognizes their own mistakes and also senses that those around them know about them. It is therefore important not to be critical or patronizing, but to integrate yourself into the subjective world of the person affected. For example, if the person with dementia begins to swap the kitchen for the bathroom, this is not an act of protest. In the mind of the person with dementia, the reality has changed and the kitchen is really the bathroom and vice versa. You have to proceed with understanding here. Demented people find it difficult to follow complex topics and group discussions. But even if you are talking to the person alone, it is important to adapt your voice and your conversational behavior. Let the person talk: Even if he or she gets angry, you should never try to end the situation by interrupting. This usually makes the conversation even more tense and the person with dementia does not feel that their worries and feelings are being taken seriously. Because even if it may be incomprehensible to healthy people why the person with dementia is upset, there is a valid reason for this in the subjective world of the person with dementia. Instead, try to find out where the agitation is coming from. Do not form long and convoluted sentences: So that the person with dementia can follow you, you should keep your sentences as short and simple as possible. "If-then" sentences are also difficult to grasp and should be avoided. Slow and clear: If you speak as clearly as possible, it is easier for people with dementia to follow you and your topic. Therefore, try to speak calmly and slowly. However, don't treat the other person like a child. This is not helpful, but rather stirs up resentment and sadness. Body language: You should always work with your facial expressions and gestures to emphasize what you are saying. You cannot always assume that the person with dementia is able to understand what you are saying. Therefore, if you smile and use gestures to signal what you mean, the person with dementia will be better able to understand your intentions. Physical feedback: If it is okay for the person with dementia, light touches can lead to more security and attention in the conversation. For example, touch the other person lightly on the shoulder or offer your hand so that they can put theirs in it. Important: Never actively take the other person's hand, just give them the opportunity to do so. They should be able to decide for themselves whether they want to do this or not. It is important to understand that correcting and explaining misbehavior to people suffering from dementia will not achieve a learning process. People are used to changing their behavior by pointing out mistakes. This is usually the case, but people with dementia lack the cognitive ability to build on what has been said. If you want to talk to someone with dementia, it's important to reach them where most of their memories are. In Masha's case, this is Pavel's former job. If he doesn't want to talk to her or can't be reached, she talks about his work. Whether today would be another particularly stressful day at the company. Whether his employees would work well. Whether the secretary had forgotten to water the flowers again. Then Pavel has a lot to say. Today, of course, everything had gone wrong again. The secretary had also forgotten about the flowers, but she had brought cake, which he was very happy about.
Now Masha can also ask him if he wants to come to lunch. After all, it's already break time and after such a busy day he would surely like to have a nice meal. Of course, he says. He has earned that too. We have already talked about the fact that the reality of people with dementia is different from the one we live in. However, there is a special technique for calming difficult situations while being respectful and meeting people at eye level. It's called Validation and is based on not denying the perception and emotions of the person concerned, but working with them. Pavel is suddenly afraid of being late for school from time to time. At these moments, he feels like he's been transported back to his childhood and has just missed his bus because breakfast took so long. At the beginning, Masha then kept telling him that he was no longer a schoolchild, but this led to arguments - because Pavel was firmly convinced of his position and couldn't even take his daughter's logical arguments seriously. However, Masha later learned from her doctor that she needs to respond to her father and his subjective world. Since then, she has asked him whether he likes going to school. What subjects he has today. Where his school was. But never, the doctor said, should Masha ask why. Because that would give Pavel the feeling that his thoughts had no justification. Sometimes Pavel gets terribly upset about the neighbors. This is because he used to fight in the Second World War when he was very young. If he finds himself back in that time, he thinks other people around him are spies or enemies and gets very angry. It doesn't help to ask him about what he has already experienced, because his emotions are too strong for that. Masha then often tells him that he's right. You have to be careful what you say. You can get really angry when you see them out there. You can get really angry. Most of the time, Pavel calms down again. He feels valued and respected for what he says. It is often difficult to tell a person with dementia that they have made a mistake. But even if it is easier, don't lie to the other person. They often secretly know about the mistake and will notice if you are not telling the truth. This disturbs the relationship of trust between you and your loved one. People with dementia are often very restless. Their body awareness is weakened and this causes them great anxiety. As a result, they want to walk around for hours and move around constantly.
Special GPS bracelets. These trigger an alarm if the person concerned moves too far away from a certain location, making it possible to find them again quickly. The restlessness often also disrupts the day-night rhythm. Sufferers often wake up at night, but do not realize that it is not yet daytime. When morning comes, they are exhausted and restless from wandering around the room at night or staying awake for long periods. This is where a Weighted blanket, which strengthens body awareness and conveys a feeling of security Caring for a person with dementia is a challenge for body and mind. You don't have to cope with it alone. Find people in Facebook groups, forums or support groups who are in the same situation and can understand you. That way you know: You are not alone! Nora will also be happy to help you - just leave a comment!
When you can't do it alone
What can I do as a relative?
Communicating with people with dementia
Nora's tip:
So much for tips for the conversation. But what if the person with dementia doesn't respond to your attempts at communication?
Validation, or: How to convey appreciation to your family member with dementia
ask questions
Lying is a no-go for validation
Aids for people with dementia
Nora's conclusion
