How to convince your family member to get care

"I don't need any help." "I can still manage on my own." "Strangers in my house? Never!"

If you have heard such sentences from a loved one, you are not alone. Many relatives face the painful moment when they realize that a parent, partner or close relative has died: A parent, partner or close relative needs care - but he or she refuses all help.

A young woman and an older woman sit on a gray couch and have a heated discussion. The younger woman gestures with her hands, while the older woman adopts a defensive stance.

 

No one likes the idea of being dependent on others due to an accident, illness or in their twilight years. The thought of care is often associated with unpleasant images and deep fears: Having to be washed, having a stranger in your home at the beginning, having your own weaknesses exposed. In short: ceding a piece of your privacy and self-determination to another person. Meeting these reservations and this skepticism is by no means reprehensible, but deeply human.

However, in many situations, families have no other option. Their own Children often already have children themselves and are working; there is little time to take care of all aspects themselves. However, for many relatives, taking everything on themselves means making massive sacrifices in their own lives, such as quitting their job or risking arguments with their partner. A professional carer can therefore take a huge burden off the shoulders of relatives and free up valuable space for the important things, such as spending time together Communication or create nice activities with the person in need of care. That's all well and good - as long as the support is actually accepted. But how do you convince your relative of this necessary help in a sensitive and loving way - without pressure, but with clarity?

In this comprehensive guide, you'll find exactly the answers and concrete strategies you're looking for. You'll learn how to build trust with empathetic communication, what steps really help when care is refused, and why many people in need of care refuse and how to respond. We will also shed light on the role that doctors, care advisors and day care can play and show you how to protect yourself if you reach your limits.

This article is for you if you love someone who needs help - and you finally want to know how to reach them. noracares is at your side: We connect caregivers directly with families so that open and honest communication is possible right from the start and you can quickly find the right support.

 

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Why do people in need of care refuse help?

It is deeply human that the thought of care is often associated with mixed feelings. Nobody likes the idea of being dependent on others in old age or due to illness. The fear of losing control, the desire for privacy and one's own pride are often the biggest hurdles when it comes to accepting support. Refusal is therefore often an expression of the desire for self-determination, even if there is a secret desire for help when certain activities become too strenuous.

Here are the most common reasons why people in need of care refuse help, and how you as Related:r can respond to:

 

Reasons for rejection of care & appropriate reactions

reason meaning Your possible reaction
Fear of losing control Care is equated with dependency. The feeling of no longer being able to decide for yourself. Have a conversation about self-determination. Emphasize that care is help for self-help.
Shame or pride Help is perceived as weakness, own deficits should not be shown Emphasize strengths instead of deficits. Show what still works well despite limitations.
Bad experiences Previous care services or caregivers were negative or not a good fit. Highlight new options, suggest trial days, emphasize the importance of the right person.
Ignorance Incorrect or outdated ideas about modern care and its benefits Educate people about modern forms of care, benefits and options in their own home.

 

Communication is key: 5 steps to convince family members

An elderly man with gray hair and a serious expression refuses a glass of water offered to him by a nurse. He raises his hand in a gesture of refusal.

 

No matter what the health problems are: Nobody likes it when decisions are made over their own head. Even if the person in need of care apparently "doesn't have much say", they still have wishes and needs - and a right to self-determination. So even before you start looking for a suitable Caregiver with your family member.

Here are the 5 most important steps to empathetically convince your loved ones about care:

1. seek an empathetic conversation

Have the conversation in a calm moment, in a relaxed atmosphere. Avoid accusations or giving the impression that you are patronizing. Use I-messages: "I'm worried about you and want you to be safe" or "I realize it's hard for you to do everything on your own and want to take some of the pressure off you." By only talking about the mistakes and weaknesses that led to the decision to hire a caregiver, you only make the person in need of care feel bad and hurt their self-confidence. Show that you are well aware of the person's strengths and that you know that he or she can do a lot of things very well themselves. Praise the person for what they do well, but then also point out what may no longer work so well and where support would be a real relief.

2. emphasize advantages

Speak about the positive aspects of caregiving: more security, relief in everyday life and more time for shared, beautiful moments. Caregiving does not mean a loss of control, but rather support that can even promote a self-determined life. The support provided by a caregiver can also be seen as a certain luxury: You get help with everyday things and don't have to do every little thing yourself. This perspective also shows those affected that support does not always mean complete helplessness.

3. start with small steps

Sometimes the thought of a comprehensive caregiver is too big. So start with small, less invasive support services:

 

Care forms & their advantages

Maintenance form Description Advantage
Outpatient care Caregiver comes home by the hour No relocation necessary, support in familiar surroundings
Day care During the day in a care facility, in the evening at home Structure, social contacts, relief for the family
Domestic help Support with everyday activities such as cleaning, shopping Low inhibition threshold, focused on practical relief
Short-term care Temporary care after hospitalization or to relieve relatives Temporary, possibility to test the care

So your loved one can slowly get used to support and build trust without feeling overwhelmed.

4. Involve external experts

Sometimes a neutral voice is worth its weight in gold. Doctors, care advisors or other neutral third parties can help to communicate the need for care and build trust. They can objectively demonstrate the benefits and professionally refute concerns.

5. Making decisions together

No one likes it when decisions are made over their head. This also applies to people in need of care. Therefore, actively involve your family member in the entire process. Give him or her the feeling of having a say: in the choice of carer, the times of support or the type of help. This feeling of retaining at least some control strengthens acceptance enormously. Mutual respect is essential, especially towards people in need of care. By listening to their concerns and trying to understand their feelings, you show more empathy and understanding than you ever could with words. The other person will also sense this and will subconsciously adapt his or her reaction accordingly.

 

Finding the right caregiver: Not every:r fits

A group of healthcare professionals, including a nurse and a doctor, smiling and giving a thumbs up in a hospital setting.

 

You may have heard or experienced that finding the right therapist can be a long journey, especially in the field of psychotherapy. Perhaps you have also met people in your life who were undoubtedly very nice and polite, but with whom you were unable to develop a close friendship. The same applies to the relationship between the person in need of care and the carer. The best professional expertise is useless if the interpersonal chemistry is not right.

If your family member in need of care already had a caregiver with whom he or she did not get along particularly well, this could also be a reason for the rejection. Extremely understandable, in my opinion. After all, the person in need of care has already allowed a stranger into their private life and had a bad experience. So why should he or she dare to do it again?

Here it helps to explain to the person concerned the importance of the right caregiver using the friends scheme mentioned above. Create understanding for the fact that caregivers and care seekers often do not harmonize and it may take a few attempts until the right caregiver is found.

 

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Nora's tip: The search for the right caregiver can often be shortened by taking individual needs into account. noracares shows you caregivers based on the requirements of the person in need of care, so there's not much that can go wrong. noracares is a platform where caregivers can find suitable jobs and speak directly with families to care for their loved ones. Families can find the carers they need here. We support caregivers in using their skills and offer families transparent and fair conditions. Why don't you register?

 

Prejudice is often the trigger for refusal

Hardly any other professional field is as stigmatized as nursing. It is therefore not surprising that people who refuse care have certain prejudices and fears. These can vary from person to person, but do not necessarily have to be true. It is therefore important to provide accurate and factual information about the process and benefits of care. Clear up stereotypes and stigmas right away and show the person which activities a carer could definitely help with. It often helps to present the support provided by a caregiver as a certain luxury. After all, you get help with everyday tasks and don't have to do every little thing yourself. This perspective also shows those affected that support does not always mean complete helplessness.

 

Highlight the positive aspects of a care home

A nurse in turquoise clothing smiles and holds the hand of an elderly woman in a light-colored jacket. They are standing in a bright, modern care facility.

 

Convincing your family member to hire a caregiver can be nerve-wracking costs and is not always easy. However, it is even trickier if the person concerned has to move into a care home.

Among friends, at family gatherings or in the office: almost everywhere you go, you hear from all corners during everyday small talk: "Well, nobody needs to put me in a nursing home. I would never put up with that, I want to at home grow old."

These statements are perfectly understandable, because anyone who is lucky enough to always be healthy and to age without physical or mental difficulties has every right to spend their twilight years in their own home.

However, there are people who need permanent care and nursing. Here, 24-hour care can be helpful, but socially inclined people in particular often suffer from the loneliness that comes with having only one person to talk to. Sometimes health problems are too serious to be managed by a single carer, or your own house or apartment is in a dangerous location and cannot be adapted to suit your age. In these cases, there is no way around placement in a care home.

Care in a nursing home - How to make the transition successfully

Caregiver helps an elderly man who looks happy and smiling while she takes care of him. They are standing close to each other and the man shows his joy.

 

There are also some good arguments here to ensure that your family member does not misunderstand this decision and at best even supports it:

A nursing home has disadvantages, but also many advantages. You can make it easier for the person in need of care if you emphasize these advantages. Talk about the many friends he or she will make, the card games and the song evenings. Of course, you shouldn't over-embellish anything, but you can show the benefits that living in a care home can have for the person concerned.

Here too, the description can provide more acceptance as a kind of luxury option. Tiresome tasks, such as cleaning or cooking, are done by others. There is more time for entertainment and fun in the group, and many like-minded people and peers are in the same place. This can be quite enjoyable and ensure that your family member perceives the care home as a beautiful and liberated place.

Many people in need of care worry about being left alone by family and friends, even pushed away. Therefore, arrange days in advance when you are sure to visit. Make sure you visit regularly, for example twice a week - but only arrange as many days as you can safely keep. Otherwise, you will often be very disappointed and feel betrayed.

Although a lot of emphasis is placed on modern care these days, not all care facilities are well suited for accommodating a beloved relative or friend. It is therefore important that you visit the facility and find out exactly what is going on there before making a choice. Otherwise, the dream of the perfect care home can quickly come to nothing.

The care home should not only be suitable for you, but above all for the person concerned. That's why many facilities offer taster days where your family member looking for care can get an overview of life in an unfamiliar place. You should definitely take advantage of this opportunity. It is also important to note that if the person in need of care decides against the home after the taster day, you must respect this decision. He or she will have reasons for this.

 

Graphic of nurse Nora with a stethoscope around her neck and the text 'Nora's conclusion' on a green banner. Closing remark or summary in the health sector.

Convincing means understanding - not persuading! Care is a sensitive topic - especially if your loved one rejects it. But you have already taken the most important step: you are looking for a way that is respectful, loving and effective at the same time.

Think about it:

  • Being in need of care means losing control. That's why patience is so important.
  • Trust comes from understanding - not from pressure.
  • Even small steps count. Perhaps it all starts with an open conversation or an appointment with the care advice service.
  • When you reach your limits, it's not a sign of weakness, but a sign of responsibility. You don't have to face this challenge alone.

noracares is at your side:

Our experienced care consultants will help you find the right solution - with heart, expertise and an open ear. At noracares, you can search together for the caregiver or search nurse that suits you. Register and benefit from competent experts and first-class support - secure and transparent!

You are not alone.

Many stood exactly where you are today - and together with support, they found the right path. You can do it too.

All the best, Nora

 

Register here

 

 

A turquoise banner with white text that reads 'Nora's Frequently Asked Questions'. On the right is an illustrated avatar figure of a nurse with blonde hair wearing a turquoise nurse's cap with a white cross, a white collar and a stethoscope around her neck
Rejection often arises from fear of loss of control and loss of privacy. Shame, pride in one's own independence, bad previous experiences or ignorance about modern forms of care can also be reasons.
Start with a calm, respectful conversation. Use "I-messages" to express your concerns, emphasize the benefits of care (safety, relief) and actively involve your family member in all decisions.
Communication is crucial. Talk to your family member before you start looking for a caregiver. Listen to concerns, show empathy and understanding for the emotional situation instead of making accusations or emphasizing deficits.
Emphasize the relief in everyday life, the security gained and the opportunity to spend more time together again. Present support as a "luxury" that frees you from tedious everyday tasks.
Start with small support services such as hourly home help, day care (daytime care in a facility) or short-term care after a hospital stay to allow them to slowly get used to it.
Explain that it is normal if not every caregiver is an immediate match. Create an understanding that several attempts may be necessary until the right caregiver is found. At noracares, you can search specifically for individual needs.
Provide factual information about the process and benefits of modern care. Dispel clichés and stigmas and show how a carer can provide targeted support in everyday life and improve quality of life.
A move to a care home becomes necessary if permanent care can no longer be guaranteed safely or sufficiently at home for health or social reasons. Emphasize the advantages such as social contacts, activities and all-round care. Organize trial days and regular visits.
Neutral third parties can objectively communicate the need for care and create trust. They can professionally allay concerns and provide support in the search for suitable solutions.
noracares is a platform that connects caregivers directly with families. You can search together for suitable caregivers who fit your needs and benefit from competent professionals and transparent conditions.

 

Graphic logo of Nora's treasure trove of knowledge, a collection of information for nursing staff. Ideal for presenting nursing knowledge and advice.
  • 24-hour-care: A form of home care in which a caregiver lives in the household of the person in need of care and looks after them around the clock.
  • Outpatient care:Professional care services that are provided at home without the person in need of care having to leave their home. This can be provided by mobile care services.
  • Home help: Support with everyday household tasks, such as cleaning, cooking or shopping, in order to maintain or relieve the independence of the person in need of care.
  • I-Messages: A method of communication in which you formulate feelings and needs from your own perspective ("I'm worried....") instead of accusations ("You're doing this wrong...") to avoid conflict and promote understanding.
  • Short-term care: A temporary inpatient care in a care facility that is used, for example, after a hospital stay or to relieve the burden on family caregivers.
  • Care advice: Professional advice and support for people in need of care and their relatives on all questions relating to care services, financing and organization.
  • Care case: A person who is dependent on nursing support in everyday life due to an illness, disability or age-related limitation.
  • Self-determination: The right and ability of a person to determine their own life, decisions and actions. A central value in modern care.
  • Taster Days:offer from care facilities or care services where potential residents or clients can test the facility or service for a short time to get an idea and reduce anxiety.
  • Stigma: A negative characteristic or prejudice attributed to a person or group that can lead to social exclusion or discrimination. Caregiving is often associated with stigma (e.g. loss of independence).
  • Day care: A form of semi-residential care in which people in need of care are cared for and activated in a special facility during the day and return home in the evening.
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